What Can I Say?
by HC247
Summary: Fiyero writes a letter that is long overdue. Musicalverse. Fiyeraba, slight Flinda. Inspired by the song of the same name.


**So a bit of news: I've been accepted to law school this fall (!). While I am very excited, it also means that I have much to do before August rolls around. Unfortunetly, this means that updates might be slightly scarece this summer (alhtough there are a few stories that I hope to finish before then and one that I have yet to post that will probably be my summer project) So, in case i don't have another chance, I just want to thank everyone who has ever read, reviewed, alterted, favorited, scanned, messaged, etc. I can't thank you enough for all of your thoughts, comments, and support. They mean the world to me!**

**With all the humor I've posted here as of late, I felt it was time for a healthy dose of angst. And yet some fluff still managed to creep in. So, hopefully there's something for everyone here. Enjoy!**

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><p>Liars. All of them.<p>

With a sigh, Fiyero planted his chin on a waiting hand, twirling the pen listlessly in his free hand. What was he doing? His eyes took in the paper set before him, white as snow as just waiting to be written on. Fiyero stood, groaning as his tired muscles were forced to function and moved away from the table. Maybe if he just grabbed a quick bite to eat…

And yet, even as he open a cupboard above the stove, his eyes were drawn back to the kitchen table and the paper that sat there waiting for him. _Come on, you coward_, it taunted him. _Just write what you would in person. _

That, Fiyero realized as she closed the door with another sigh, is exactly the problem.

He wouldn't say the words that he wanted to say in person. He couldn't. If that made him a coward, then so be it. He never claimed to be a pillar of strength. Sometimes he wondered if Elphaba were the strong one while he simply followed listlessly behind. The thought of his green companion caused the first smile of the afternoon to pull at his mouth. If only Elphaba could see him now. She would probably either smack him upside the head or walk away muttering under her breath.

Or maybe both. Fiyero couldn't be exactly sure.

What he did know, however, was that he needed to finish that letter, if even for his own peace of mind.

With a renewed determination, the Prince returned to his seat, picked up the pen and promptly placed it back on the table. Okay, he knew he had to write it. The only question was: how?

Placing his head in his hands, he let out a frustrated groan as he worked his finger through his light brown hair. Whoever said writing letter was easy was dead wrong. It wasn't easy.

It was near impossible.

After all, what do you say to the person you nearly spent the rest of your life with?

There was only one thing left to do. Picking up the pen and with a glare at the paper, Fiyero set to work, pouring his heart and spelling out his thoughts, confessions and regrets onto a sole piece of white paper. His hand moved quickly, marking and correcting as better combinations entered his mind. A comma here, a cross-out there. He wrote like a man possessed, lost to everything but the task he had set himself too.

He was still hunched over the table and scribbling furiously when Elphaba walked through the door some time later. Taking one look at him, the green girl simply set her bag aside, raised a brow, and padded silently to his side. He never noticed her presence, even with her close proximity and she made no move to alert him, simply standing over his shoulder as she observed his writing. Her eyes flitted to the top of the page, eyes widening and heart clenching as she took in the name inscribed there. What could he possibly have to say to this person?

_Plenty_, her mind reminded her. _You have the rest of your life together. Let him have this._

Pushing away the juvenile jealousy, she saw her opportunity when he stopped writing for a moment to flex his tired hand. "Fiyero?"

He started at the sound of her voice. "Fae!" He gave a nervous laugh. "How long have you been standing there."

_Longer than you probably think._ "Ah…not long," she lied smoothly, placing a hand on his shoulder. "What are you doing?"

His eyes went to the paper on the table, making no move to hide it from her. "Eh, just something I should have done ages ago." Sighing, he wrung his hand out one last time before pulling her into his lap.

Elphaba didn't need to be asked twice. She loved the small intimacy of moments like this. Playing with his hair, she asked, "And that would be?"

With one arm looped around her waist, he reached for the paper with his free hand. "This," he said, passing it to her. "It's a letter to Glinda."

She studied it, not quite sure what to say, but taken aback by his honesty. Noticing her silence, he asked, "Are you angry?"

She didn't answer, only said, "Why?"

She felt his shoulder lift into a shrug. "I never intended to send it," he admitted. "As we said before, she can never know we're alive. No one can." His blue eyes held more regret than she had ever seen. "But I had to write it, if only for myself."

She nodded. "And how long have you been working on this?"

The Prince sighed as he glanced at the clock. "About three hours? Give or take?"

Elphaba smirked. "And you only have seven lines."

"Yeah, well…I never said I got very far." Taking the paper from her, he set it back on the table. "Turns out finding closure is a lot harder than I thought."

She nodded, "I know exactly how you feel."

Letting his fingers curl around the end of her long black hair, he confessed. "What do you even say in a situation like this? _'I'm sorry I dumped you for your best friend but I hope you can forgive me anyway and we can all be best friends again. Hey, have a nice life'" _He shook his head. "How can I politely tell her that I'm not sorry things ended between us? I loved you," He trailed a finger down her cheek. "It's always been only you, Fae. I think deep down, Glinda knew that." Fiyero sighed. "I just feel so guilty as to _how_ it ended. She deserved more than that."

"We all did," Elphaba replied quietly. Tilting his face upwards, she kissed him, sending his heart racing and once again confirming his choice had been the right one all along. Pulling away, she lent her forehead to his. "I love you, you know that?" She whispered, stroking his cheek with a long finger. "So much." Smiling into his eyes, she kissed him again, lingering this time. "You're a good man."

It was Fiyero's turn to pull away, a slight shock registering on his features. "No one has ever said that to me before."

She chuckled. "Trust me, love. Every girl at Shiz was screaming 'I love you' to your face at least four times a day."

"No, no. Not that. You said I was a good man." He shook his head slightly. "No one has ever called me that. Not my father, not my teachers, not even Glinda. I was either a disappointment, a nuisance or a trophy." He turned his eyes back to her. "But not good. Never good."

She said nothing, simply kissed him a third time, clutching him to her, trying to convince him of his worth as he had done for her time after time. "You are good," she said when she pulled away. " So good. Not only good, you're wonderful. Never doubt yourself, my sweet. You spent so much time convincing me that I was worthy of love and I won't let you degrade yourself to anything less than you are: an incredible man that I have the privilege to call mine."

Fiyero searched her gaze, seeing nothing but truth. Cupping her face in his hands, he pressed his lips to hers in a soul-bending kiss. _Thank you_

Her arms tightened around his neck._ You're welcome. And I love you. _

Pulling away, she wordlessly slipped out of his lap and crossed the room, returning with a blank piece of paper. Fiyero watched her, his expression confused as she set it in front of him "What's that for?"

"Well, you can't very well send her this one, can you?" she indicated the previous letter. "This one is barely legible."

"I'm not sending it at all."

She shrugged. "Pretend." Kissing his check, she moved away. "I have to make dinner. Get writing."

And so he did. Encouraged by Elphaba's support, the Prince set to work, thinking before he write and taking the time to carefully order his thoughts. Elphaba watched him as she puttered around the kitchen, smiling when she saw a thought come to him and laughing quietly at the gleeful expression when he found the words he wanted to say.

Nearly twenty minutes later, Fiyero stood, his chair scraping the wood floor as it was pushed back. Placing it in her hand, she smiled triumphantly. "I think I did it."

She glanced at the paper, then him. "Do you feel better?"

His eyes joined to hers. "I really think I do. Even if she'll never read it, at least I said what I had to say, right?" Pressing a kiss to her forehead, he started for the door. "I'm going to wash up."

"What do you want me to do with this?"

Pausing in the doorway, the Prince shrugged "I suppose it doesn't really matter, does it? Whatever you think is best." Not waiting for her reply, he disappeared.

Elphaba shook her head and smiled. Fine. She had just the place for it.

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><p>She had no idea how it had gotten there. No clue as to who could have possibly brought it. No inclination as to how it was even possible. Yet, there it was. As clear and tangible to her as he had once been.<p>

_Dearest Glinda,_

_Oh, Oz, there's so much I wish I could tell you. So much I want to say. I guess I'll simply have to settle for 'I'm sorry". Sorry for leading you on, sorry for lying to you, and sorry for leaving the way that I did. You deserve more, Glinda. You're too loving, too beautiful a person to be hurt the way that I hurt you. I know I hurt you and for that I am the most sorry. I wish I could go back and undo it all. Please understand that I don't regret my decision that day. I would be lying to you even more if I said I did and we both know that isn't the truth. I'd been in love with Elphaba longer than I think even I realized, but was too afraid to say anything. You were my safety, Glin. And I think, to a point, I was yours. And though I cared deeply for you, still care deeply for you, it was not the love that we could have built a life on. It wasn't the love I needed._

_Forgive me if my words pain you. You know they were never my strong suit, but then again what was? I'm not apologizing for the fact that we ended, but rather how it happened. It was stupid and impetuous and all together inappropriate, but at the time, it was what I felt I needed to do. I'll always love you, Glinda. As will Elphaba. We just chose different paths. Wherever you are, whether you read this or not, I hope someday you'll find it in your heart to forgive us. Forgive me. Because thing such as this are never easy and what can you say to completely erase than pain? I must have started a thousand letters, but I feared it had been too long. Whatever the case, I've said what I needed to say and can only hope that somehow you'll know. I'm not asking you to understand; that would be too much to ask of anyone. You've always been wonderful, Glinda. Inside and out, stay beautiful. We wouldn't want you any other way._

_All my love,_

_Fiyero_

His words blurred as tears fell from blue eyes, staining the paper. In a chocked whisper, Ginda the Good felt a strange peace drape her as her lips formed three words,

"I forgive you."


End file.
